This Weekend

I have been resting for 5 days already since the doctor recommended me for a voice rest. You see, after my on and off fever was gone, I wake up one Saturday morning (’twas September 12) and no voice coming from me. But now I am okay although there’s still cough but I guess I can manage now to go to work.

September 18, Daddy invited me to have coffee at Starbucks (at that moment I wondered why). Sitting at the corner of that coffee shop, he said that he will go to Batangas with his friends (all boys) on Sunday and will be back Monday (maybe night)… and since liblib daw ang lugar, there would be no signal! I can’t speak… I wanted to shout at him… to get mad… but then I just burst into tears. I trusted him for saying na he will be with his friends but what I can’t accept was the statement that there would be no cellphone signal. Getting used to texting or calling him, do you feel the pain that I felt that night? But then, I have no choice but to allow him since he really wants to go.

September 19, before he left, he promised to text or call me if there would be a signal. I hold on to that promise. At around 6:09 pm, I received a text from him (his last text) saying he’s already in MOA with his friends. As soon as I woke up (at round 7:45 pm), I decided to call him.. I just wanted to hear his voice! But then, he cancelled my call. I convinced myself that maybe they’re inside the car at baka nga naman kinakantyawan sya ng mga yun kaya nya inend call ko. At that same night something happened, I hear noises and some cries outside our home. Oh my gosh! Yung poste sa harapan mismo ng bahay nmn pumuputok… everywhere, nagliliparan ung mga kable ng kuryente (and it’s a live wire)… there’s  a small fire! Nervous I am, I immediately tried to call Papa… no answer! and then Mama… still no answer! I really dont know what to do, I called Daddy one more time, it was ringing… bu then he doesnt want to answer! I tried several times to call him or even text him… but my effort was useless! Napatay ng mga kapitbahay namin ung fire by using our ice tubig. I again tried to contact Brianne, but the same scenario happened. I felt so helpless, I even swallowed my pride and called one of his friends, Lester(to whom he claims na nag-invite sa kanila at may hawak ng passes dun sa Batangas). He answered my call and I was surprised when he said hindi sya kasama pumunta sa Batangas kasi may work sya. Now, my mind was blank… I dont know what to think…all I can do was to lock myself inside my room and cry. Looking and still hoping to receive just one text from him.

 September 20, matang isda na ako at basa na pillow ko… I checked my cellphone, but I received nothing. I convinced myself thinking that maybe iniwanan nya sa car nya yung cellphone nya. But how would you explain the call that was rejected? Ahhh.. maybe, nawalan bigla ng signal… ayoko na magisip ng negative thoughts, pagod na pagod na rin akong umiyak! But then again, if for instance he really left his cellphone inside the car, why he’s not making any efforts to atleast check the phone or at least text me to tell me ”hey and2 na kmi, iwanan ko muna yung cell ko!” Am I not important? Hndi ba nya naiisip na nagaalala ako sa kanya? Did he missed me? Naisip man lang ba nya ako kahit saglit lang? Honestly, I feel abandoned! I just wanna die at that very moment… maybe doon he will realized my worth!

Today, matang isda na naman ako… I know nakakahalata na si Mama that there’s really something wrong with me. I don’t wanna eat… I don’t wanna speak… I always locked myself sa room but she just let me… maybe she knew that if she will try to ask me, I’m not going to answer her. I cried and cried… God please sana maubos na yung luha ko para para pag nakaharap ko na sya or nakausap (or will he try to explain?) hndi na ako hahagulgol sa harapan nya!