My Heartbreaks

I woke up this morning, crying again. Hayy… I think matatagalan bago ko tuluyang makarecover. Reminiscing my past relationships, I thought I’m already a tough cookie… I thought manhid na ako sa mga heartbreaks. But I guess I’m wrong…

4th year college 1st sem, when I had my first boyfriend. It just lasted 4 months since he fell inlove with his classmate, at first he tried to deny it but then he admitted that he cheated. I begged for him not to leave me but he already chose the other girl. I was a scholar in FEU during those times and because of the breakup, my grades all went down and I lost the scholarship.  I thought hndi na ako makakabangon, but then I strived hard… ayoko iturn down parents ko. I focused on my studies and graduated as Cum Laude. After years, my first love and I had the chance to meet. He said the girl cheated on him. He was very sorry for breaking my heart and for leaving me. He tried to bring back the memories. But kasi nakarecover na ako sa kanya eh and dko na mafeel ung love ko sa kanya before.

My second relationship just lasted for 17 days. He also cheated on me and even told me “sorry kala ko kasi mahal kita eh”. After few months, he wanted me back but I turned him down since I heard from his friend that he was courting another girl. tsk tsk… sparing my heart from another heartbreak.

My third was the longest relationship I had, 6 years! Within that 6 years (though on and off), I felt I was truly loved by him. His loyalty was with me. Muntik na syang mapikot nung kapitbahay nyang 18 years old but he chose to stay with me. For the first time, I dumped a guy. Hindi ako sanay ng gnun but I have to.  Nagiging dependent kasi sya sakin… to the point na we always had a fight kapag dko sya binibigyan ng money. Haay gwin ba akong sugarmommy nya? No way!

The fourth love, I felt so inlove with him. He’s almost perfect… he’s sweet, intelligent, open minded, very nice and he’s very honest with me though masakit na yung mga sinsabi nya at hindi pabor sakin, sinasabi pa rin nya. The catch? He’s a family man. Yes, may asawa’t anak na sya. When I met him, he admitted na he has a son and he’s living with the mother. I accepted him since he said he doesnt love the girl. It’s also an on-off relationship. He always dumped me because he think one deserving man deserves my heart, sobrang bait ko daw kasi… but after few days/months he always comes back. However, after being happy, he shocked me and broke my heart by saying he decided to marry the mother of his son. I was so mad, andun na ako sa buhay nya why hindi ako ang pinili nya?! We separated and we reconciled (baliw di ba?) At the end, he proposed to me and ask me to wait for him. I turned him down, instead I told him to reconcile with his wife. I don’t wanna be the homewrecker at hindi mang-aagaw ang role ko dito sa mundo!

For the fifth, I can’t even remember gno kami katagal. What I could remember, puro pag-iyak ang ginawa ko during that relationship. Wla naman third party or whatsoever! I was not given importance! But recently lang, he tried to email me… apologizing sa pagbabalewala nya sakin before. I gave him my forgiveness and so happy for him that he found his right soulmate.

And lastly, my one and only Daddy…. to whom I devoted myself. Natatak ko na kasi sa utak ko na sya na gusto ko makasama habang buhay… he’s always in my prayers. But I guess, hindi ako yung gusto nya! He still want to search… and I’m not sure if babalik pa sya sakin. How I wish I could still feel his love… how I wish I could still kiss him… hug him… how I wish that someday I hear once again “I LOVE YOU, MOMMY!” Oh God, please grant my only wish… please…